


Regrets

by sivantrash



Series: forgive me [2]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, I WAS TIRED, I promise, I really do, M/M, Paranoia, and this happened, drug mention, i dont know what to do anymore, i really do love the bean baby, im sorry for what i did to the bean baby, low self esteem nathan, nathan is a bean baby, sincerest apologies, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6192913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sivantrash/pseuds/sivantrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew what Nathan was doing, of course he knew. So, he confronted Nathan and made him see that something good happening between them was not necessarily a bad thing. At first, Nathan refused to believe the words, seeing them as a lie but overtime, he had begun to see the truth in them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> okay, I just want to say, there are mentions of drugs, derogatory comments, mental illness and death. if you're not comfortable with any of those things than please, don't read. 
> 
> but to those who stayed around, please enjoy this shitty thing I wrote up when I was half asleep. so with that knowledge, please keep in mind that there may be mistakes but I tried my best!

Why was it now, when the metal barrel is pointed straight at him, that he pleads for his life? Isn’t this what he had always wanted? To actually end the pitiful life that he was forced to live through? Hell, he wasn’t sure if he could even call it a life when he was barely there half the time, under the effects of the newest drug he was given at the time. 

 

Most of Nathan’s life was spent dealing with monsters that nobody else could see. Ones that he would have to fight on his own, without running into the arms of his parents, craving the comfort and warmth only a hug could provide. Sometimes they managed to go away for awhile, but even then he awaited for them to come back. He had grown accustomed to the ever tormenting monsters that he wasn’t able to function properly without them. He was stricken with paranoia that the people he would manage to communicate with would turn out to be monsters in disguise. He didn’t think he could deal with even more monsters so he shut himself off, hiding away in the darkest corners of his mind where those monsters of his dwelled. 

 

The medication that was constantly thrusted into his hands was something that he dreaded. Yeah, sure, they may have quieted everything but they didn’t stop his thoughts from making themselves known. His demons may have been locked up temporarily but who would have ever thought to lock up his thoughts? The medication locked everything up, whether that may be his emotions or his demons, but they never succeeded in locking up his thoughts. And damn did his thoughts hurt. That little voice that never seemed to shut up constantly mocking him because he had to take pills to keep his own monsters at bay. Mocking him because he wasn’t strong enough to deal with what was inside of his head. Even if the medication was suppose to help him, Nathan couldn’t help but think that he was better off without shoving those goddamn pills down his throat on a daily basis. 

 

And let’s not forget that he was just one big disappointment. Not only to his family but to those around him. The Prescotts’ were a well known family, a respected one at that but then that’s where he came along and ruined the perfect image. He was the freak, the one everybody says is crazy. They tend to say that he was a demon child, harbouring an immense amount of dark emotions. Nathan Prescott did not fit their expectations nor did he ever surpass them. They were disgusted by him, anybody could see that by sparing them a glance whenever his name was mentioned. He failed to meet society's expectations and because of that, he was subjected to even more pain. 

 

He wasn’t the perfect son everyone thought that he was. He was messed up. He was disgusting. He was the dirt on the sole of someone's shoe and there was nothing he could do to change that. How could he when he agreed with them? He was gross and such a pathetic excuse of a human being that he no longer fought against the labels put on him but instead, quietly accepted them. And yeah, people may be intimidated by him but they still whisper about him behind his back, didn’t they? He can’t even invoke fear into others without those nasty little comments being whispered.

 

When Nathan met Victoria, he fleetingly thought that maybe, just maybe, he could have some form of normalcy in his life. That she could be the one that he had been craving. The one that could keep his monsters under control.

 

Unfortunately, one did not always get what they wish for. 

 

Victoria did her best and Nathan would be eternally thankful for the girl who managed to quiet his monsters down a notch. She was his temporary fix that he sadly got addicted to. And the longer he spent by her side, begging for another fix, his monsters were steadily growing immune. It wasn’t long before he was yanked back into that corner.

 

He sat in that corner, knees pulled tightly to his chest as the sounds of whales played in his ears. He soon found himself being pulled to his feet by his saviour. By one that he considered as his Guardian Angel. 

 

His Guardian Angel showed him ways that helped him cope with his monsters. He showed Nathan another side of life that Victoria wasn’t able to show him. He was ecstatic. Nathan thought that he had finally found what he had been looking for all his life. He thought that he had found his Guardian Angel.

 

If only he knew what said ‘Guardian Angel’ was actually doing to him. 

 

Now here he was, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared into the eyes of the man that he trusted most. The man that was now aiming a gun right between his eyes, a twisted smirk painted on his face. It made Nathan feel sick to his stomach. 

 

Here was the man he confided in and in return, he was used as some toy. Mark Jefferson sure knew how to make someone believe that there was some hope waiting for them at the end of the tunnel. 

 

Jefferson’s saying something but Nathan can’t say anything, too absorbed in his thoughts to comprehend the words that are escaping that bastard's mouth. He’s focused on trying to figure out why he’s so afraid to die when that’s all that he’s been wishing for. 

 

Was it regret? But what exactly did he feel regret? Thinking harder and pushing through any irrelevant cluster of thoughts, Nathan finally stumbles upon what he was looking for which was- 

 

Oh. Oh.

 

Nathan almost felt like laughing, a cold, dry, laugh but he was too tired to do that. Besides he doesn’t think that Jefferson would appreciate that and shoot him right then and there. Nathan still wanted a couple seconds to dwell on the sudden epiphany his mind conjured up. 

 

Warren, oh sweet Warren. The boy that he thought he hated at first which turned out to be fear. Fear of something good that may happen between them. So Nathan resorted to using his words and violent actions to push the younger boy away. 

 

Warren retaliated.

 

He knew what Nathan was doing, of course he knew. So, he confronted Nathan and made him see that something good happening between them was not necessarily a bad thing. At first, Nathan refused to believe the words, seeing them as a lie but overtime, he had begun to see the truth in them. 

 

Sadly, it was just a little too late. Nathan was facing his final moments of his life after coming to the conclusion that the words the boy spoke was actually true. It made a lot more sense now than it did in the beginning. 

 

He was starting to regret succumbing to his fear and not attempting at a relationship with Warren Graham. He was starting to regret that he couldn’t see the light peaking in until it was reflecting off the barrel of the gun. He was starting to regret his actions concerning the brown eyed boy. 

Maybe that was why he didn’t want to die. Because of Warren Graham, It was all because of that stupid nerd that he wasn’t accepting death with open arms. He wasn’t sure if he should be ann-

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, like really sorry. it was kind of anti-climatic but nevertheless, I still hope that you enjoyed reading
> 
> my [tumblr](http://existentiallytired.tumblr.com/)


End file.
